Poems
Poems of Antiquity
Short stories
Nano Novel
Artography*
Home
* -- denotes soonish
Chapter I -- Mr Peckins Has Everything
Here we meet the first of our two protagonists, Pickle. She, you'll quickly discover, is running away from home. But why? And where? And how far will she get? Only time (and 12 more chapters) will tell.
Chapter II -- "HAI YAI YOO LOO DOO DEE DAY HEY WHOO HEE HAW YEE HA DOO!" or Mrs McDurly Shows Him the Way
Pickle is shown the short way, or so she thinks. While we backtrack back down the tracks, to find Onion sitting stewing and stewless. And his altercation with the cat.
Chapter III -- The Opposite Is Also True (for You and Me and Me and You)
Here is where we learn that not all travelling is done by car. Some is done by sunglass. Others performed with orange stocking caps. And, as a bonus, Mr Peckins rhymes for us, which is in no way a screed.
Chapter IV -- The Teapot Depot, Or, If You Prefer, "Violating Any Ar Squared Codes Means Death"
I think the title of this chapter makes it pretty clear what happens in this chapter. If you disagree, may you rot.
Chapter V -- General Rook (the Cook) and Levitating Lotus (the Herb)
Here we have an Herb which is a thing, and a Rook which is a person. So as to not confuse you. If you want to be more unconfused, try reading the chapter. If you want to be less unconfused, try reading the chapter backward.
Chapter VI -- Wanted Criminals, Cheesey Food Products, And What's Worse Than A-Betting?
Pickle has an Onion-like experience, and Onion gets himself into a pickle of a jam. The flour has been added, and the plot thickens. And cheese.
Chapter VII -- Someone Will Lose His Head (Sounds Scary, Don't It?)
Pickle hears about Onion, and Onion hears about Pickle. Somehow, though, our two protagonists haven't yet met in this novel. Does that raise your suspicion hackles? It raises mine. Frankly, they better meet soon or else someone's getting sacked!
Chapter VIII -- The Great Bagel Escape
The chapter has all the qualities a chapter should have: a boy dressed up in a girl's nightgown, a little girl who likes to lie, a tree who likes to trip others, and something else even better. Hang on to your breakfast, 'cause this chapter is going to take you for a ride!
Chapter IX -- Would Things Get Better, Or Would Things Get Worse? Perhaps It'd Be Both? Perhaps The Reverse?
Squeebs are nasty. Squeebs are mean. If you see a Squeeb, you should turn and flee. Squeeb-a-doo-bee. Squeeb-a-doo-dee. If you don't like this chapter, don't blame me.
Chapter X -- Onion Thinks The Walls Are Bleeding; Pickle Dreams The Earth Is Spinning Out Of Control
Onion finds himself deep inside the earth, and Pickle finds herself looking at the earth from a sun-perspective. One of them faints, one of them gets punished, and neither of them eat a drop of food all day. Out of consideration for them, please don't be nibbling on something when you read this chapter. It would just make things worse. Thank you, and have a pleasant read.
Chapter XI -- Misery Loves Sleep, And A Chink In The Armor
Strange dreams often lead to stranger realities. And sometimes less is more. And sometimes less is less. And sometimes dreams lead to wretched realities. And remember, folks -- when bad things happens, it's not as bad as what happens in the end, right? The end justifies the meannesses. Okay, I'll stop bothering you so that you can read this next exciting installment.
Chapter XII -- Black Glass And Grumpy Grmphs
Pardon the kitsch.
Chapter XIII -- Bring It All Back Home
The last chapter in the Pickle and Onion saga. You probably should have some kleenexes with you. And some comfort food. I recommend home-made fudge. Or chocolate chip cookies. Something chocolatey and sweet, even a candy bar would be okay. But perhaps iced-cream. What does this have to do with the last chapter? Well, iced-cream is cold...